Sitting here in my white, tattered but still pretty fluffy fleece robe, I stare at the blank screen and wonder where to begin? Drinking my sweet chocolate mint flavored coffee out of the hub’s black and silver to go mug. Sounds like a nice comfy scene but there’s not enough fluffiness or warm java to comfort me now. Last Friday, we were treated by my husband’s bosses to a rare night out at Foxwood’s Casino here in CT. I was preparing for another femur rod replacement the next Tuesday, so this was a truly kind gesture on their part. They’re very thoughtful this way. An astonishing magic act by Shin Lim and his sidekick Colon left us both speechless with their card tricks and mind reading but so did a phone call by the gastroenterologist that performed my endoscopy and colonoscopy. The large ugly polyp he removed a few days before was definitely malignant. Can this be real? How much can one person take? Holy hell, when do I get a break? These were all questions racing through my brain as I wrote down everything he told me over the phone on a tiny pad of paper in our cute little hotel suite. We sat in silence for a while and then I decided we needed some margaritas, so we headed down to the Scorpion Bar for chips and salsa, delicious guacamole and a couple of not so strong margaritas. I’m not sure why but this cancer scares me the most. I think it’s due to all the unanswered questions I have and the unknown possibilities that go along with the diagnosis. I had all the gene testing done previously, 72 markers checked and all negative. Why do I have this? I don’t know but it’s coming out the 29th of this month.
My cat scan shows that it has not invaded the colon wall so that means it is not stage 4 but that is all he really knows until surgery which will be performed by a robotic laparoscopic colon resection where a very well regarded Dr. Girard at Uconn will take 12 inches of my colon along with at least 12 lymph nodes. He will then resection the healthy parts back together. I don’t know if I will need a colostomy bag, or if I will need chemotherapy or radiation. There are some complications as with any surgery but what choice do I have? None. Again. I’m pissed off. I’m scared. I’m sad. But I’m hopeful, I want so badly to move on with my life but something keeps getting in my way and if this is the thing than get it the hell out and let’s get on with it!
I feel the warm love of my friends and family who send daily texts, call me regularly and send me books and vegan chocolates. I am extremely fortunate my mother in law lives near us now and takes care of our 7 fur babies when needed. I bet she never thought she’d be having to take care of me when she moved here all the way from UT. I’m eating very clean, green fruit smoothies or green juices my husband makes in the morning and salads, and tons of veggies for the rest of the day. Laying off the sugar, alcohol and vegan frozen foods. My Mom is coming out to help me which is a blessing, so I am covered there. You’re never too old to need your mother!
Three months ago I had my third bout of meningitis and was in the hospital for 4 days. The doctors want to know why I keep getting it, where the entry point is because it’s extremely dangerous not to mention painful. I had an appointment with a neurologist/oncologist who questioned me extensively and did lots of other little tests. He seems to think my cerebral spinal fluid is leaking through my nose. I told him my nose is constantly running, but of course I chalked it up to allergies since finding out I have an allergy to dog dander. But when I think about it now, it runs even when I’m away from my house. So I am scheduled next week for an IV contrast CT head scan to see if they can find a hole. If they find one, I will have to have surgery to patch that up. And I still need the surgery to replace my femur rod. Things keep getting weirder, every day a new challenge but I am hanging in there and my husband is my rock as usual, he’s also my nurse and my sounding board whether he likes it or not. I love him so much and can’t imaging going through any of this without him. This is just another mountain to climb, right? I will try to keep my blog updated more often. Wish me luck!!!
